When you fall in love without even noticing it

Are you in love and not even know it yet?

One evening, I was sitting on the terrace embraced by my love, and the question of when this beautiful love started came to me. How the hell did I make it happen? When did I fall in love for the first time?

A smile appeared on my face, and a gentle kiss on my lips brought back this story where I fell in love for the first time without even noticing it for so long.

I took a deep breath and dived deep into reliving this beautiful story of mine from a completely different perspective, embraced in wisdom, where not only what my dear mind remembered was happening.

When you are ready to say that is enough, no more, and choose Self, even if you don’t know what that means, just as I had no idea what I was getting into, that is when it all starts to unfold and orient you so that you don’t stray from the path. 

There are no coincidences unless you believe in them. I don’t. Nor in my world does the saying, “Opportunity lost, the opportunity never returns.” 

Over the years, as I’ve experienced what that first stage of Awakening looks like, I’ve found, among other things, that even if I choose something completely different than the option – the opportunity that somebody or something was offering to me if it was the best option for me at the time.

I didn’t want to see it, or I didn’t dare to choose it. That option would return to me later – the same opportunity – chance in a slightly different form and a different scenario.

And that’s precisely what happened to me somewhere in the middle of 2014 when I slowly started to open my sleepy eyes to a “world” that was still new, strange, and unfamiliar to me, but as I eventually discovered, so very familiar and natural. 

I fell in love. Unexpectedly, I fell in love already then. I was in love all this time, but I didn’t realize it till 2020. Indeed, I often need more time than others to do certain things, to figure out how things are done, but seven years????

I don’t even know how to comment on that.

I know Simona would burst out laughing and say to me:” O, chicken!” 

And Ksenja would say:” Crazy!”

Many people would roll their eyes and shake their heads. Some of them may even have felt sorry for me. Someone might think that I can’t help it because I’m blonde.

Think about what you like. 

I fell in love then, and it all started with a book. It brought back to me that possibility that I had been avoiding and steadfastly ignoring for a whole month.

It was just an ordinary working day. Of course, as a working woman, a good mother, wife, and housewife, I had planned everything down to the minute how everything would go during the day. Just in case I wouldn’t accidentally run out of time, I still did, until late in the evening, when I collapsed tiredly into bed and made a plan for the next day.

Late that morning, during my lunch break, I rushed to a large grocery store so there wouldn’t be an empty hole in our home fridge.

I entered the shop, grabbed my trolley, and was about to turn left when I stopped and turned right.

“Tamara, where are you going???? You know you don’t have enough time to keep your eyes on the books. Remember you never buy any anyway, and you don’t read them anymore? You have other commitments,” my mind reminded me anxiously.

And how right it was. It was worried about me that my plan for the day wouldn’t succeed. I didn’t have enough time. I had a long shopping list in my hand, and Sisyphus’s housewife job and everything that goes with it was waiting for me at home. I never bought books either, because I would never read them for lack of time. But I always enjoyed it when I took a few minutes to peek at the book section – a short break for the soul.

I noticed it immediately.

There it was. The book. A book that stood proudly on the top shelf, “looking at me,” flirting with me. Oh gosh, how much I shivered all over my body. Let me make it clear that it wasn’t the fault of the air conditioning in the shop, and no, I didn’t fall in love with this book, in case anyone had thought of that, and neither with its author. That falling in love came a little later.

I stood there stoned, staring at the book. Of course, a book that was very familiar to me. I spent a month rummaging it through my handbag, just waiting for the chance to return it to my client. She persisted to lent me the book, and I promised that I would certainly read it if it was so good and would be so helpful to me.

Of course, I did not read it. Where did I have the time?

It seemed to me that I was in front of that shelf for eternity, even though the wristwatch showed me that I had not been there for more than 5 minutes. My mind was turning on sirens and urgently serving up all possible logical explanations for how I might have stumbled upon this book.

While simultaneously trying to convince me that I should not buy the book because it was probably expensive. After all, I did not have enough money and would not read it anyway.

Even though my dear mind has always been a faithful and much-appreciated companion in my life, I still could not allow it to persuade me to ignore the book completely. There was a strong, strange feeling deep inside me that I had to buy this book. It was all compounded by the fact that I had never seen this book before since my client lent it to me.

I stood on my toes and reached out my hand to take the book from the shelf. I couldn’t; I was still too small and the shelf too high. While wondering how I could reach the book, I was interrupted by a man’s voice.

“Miss, can I help you?”

Before I knew what was happening, he had the book in his hand and handed it to me. I could barely get the courtesy words out of my mouth:” Thank you very much.”

I was kind of petrified again. I was drowning in that man, in his sky-blue eyes. He wasn’t my kind of guy, but something about him made me feel an intense chill all over my body again. Even though it was the first time I had seen him, I felt I had known him all my life.

He smiled at me, nodded at the book, and said: ‘Good choice, enjoy your reading.'” He turned and walked out of the shop.

Both my mind and I were left speechless. What exactly was going on in the shop then and afterward, my mind could not explain to me when it later returned to itself.

Like in a trance, I went to the cashier with the book in my hands, paid for it, and went to the salon without the other necessities I should have been looking for in the shop.

I read the book not once but three times. I underlined with yellow, orange, and pink marker everything important to me, and it wasn’t a little information.

The Reconnection book, by Dr. Eric Pearl. A book that was a kind of starting point and a springboard for everything that followed. It changed my life.

Just reading the book, many things were happening in my body. A kind of tingling, a distinct warmth, my hands and feet were so hot, and then another extreme temperature made all my hairs stand up even where I didn’t have any.

My mind was absent, and I was in a very interesting state. Of course, I had no idea what was happening at the time, but it was very nice. It was like I had smoked a bit of grass.

I lay down on the massage table and started to do the – Re-treatment on myself, just like the instructions in the book said.

I can’t quite put into words exactly what was happening to me. Yes, my self-healing was successful, if I can call it that.

For the first time in my life, I felt energy!!! I, who thought I was not capable of it. That only the chosen ones can feel and work with energy, not me.

It was flowing through my whole body, slowly, gently. I couldn’t move my body as if chained to a table.

For a moment, I couldn’t breathe, tears streaming down my cheeks for no reason, and that feeling, that incredible peace, I had never felt before. It was simply outstanding!

I just lay on the table for a while, and yes, I was happy. This is what I was looking for, and this is what I wanted. This is what I chose. Energy, working with energy, and helping people to heal. (I would have a slightly different debate now about healing others, but that’s another story).

After that first experience, I practiced this self-healing every time I had time and later tried it on a client who lent me the book at the time. Of course, I had my doubts, but I could do energy work on her too.

I was so pleasantly surprised that the same evening, with my uncle Google, I found Dr. Eric Perl’s website, where he also offered the Reconnection courses.

My enthusiasm was immediately washed away when I saw the price of the course. At that time, I was financially broke, and there was no way I could raise the €1000. I closed the desktop computer and decided to put money aside slowly and collect this massive sum of money. Which, of course, I never did. Why? Because it wasn’t necessary.

It was my choice that was important! Once again, I chose energy and working with it. After that, all worked out the way that was best for me.

In about a year, the next fateful book, if I can call it that, crossed my path. The book You Ask, and It Is Given – by Esther Hicks and Jerry Hicks. Then, about three weeks after I bought this book, the wind carried me on its wings to the House of Joy, where dear Haris Omanovič introduced me to the world of the beautiful Access Consciousness™, where my experiences with energy only continued to evolve. But all that is a different story for another time.

How perfect and wonderful it all was. How everything came together. As lovely and easy as it all sounds, it wasn’t always like that. It wasn’t always flowers blooming and birds singing. There were also tears, many tears, and unnecessary suffering. The in-between periods, those steep drops from all that is wonderful, back to the hard ground of this physical reality, embedded in time and space.

Well, back to the story…

You are probably wondering what it is now with that falling in love I mentioned at the beginning. I did fall in love without even noticing it. It happened on the massage table when I felt it flowing through my body.

Yes, you got that right. I fell in love with energy. Energy???? Disappointed? Did you expect me to fall in love with a sexy man? A woman?

Please don’t be disappointed. That time on the massage table, I felt myself again after such a long time. I fell in love with the energy, I was already in love then, but I didn’t realize it.

I fell in love with Myself. 🙂 🙂 🙂

Energy seeks solution. It seeks to come back.
Two lovers reuniting after a long separation.

– Tobias –


Only after you realize who you really are, and you are not just energy; you can understand the quote by dear Tobias. Dear Tobias – Sam, Namaste!

 – Thank you, My Love! Your TM


Embodied Consciousness Academy ™

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