I have many stories to tell about this topic. This time I decided to share a slightly more light-hearted story. All those I – the human part of Self – did not like very much will take their turn some other time.
I have also faced these two questions – Who am I? And why am I here? They came out of the blue, and the more I worked on myself and the spiritual experiences I had, the stronger and louder they became in my mind.
Who am I????
Confused by everything happening to me, I would stare at the stars many nights when I couldn’t sleep, somehow expecting to get an answer from them.
But I didn’t.
I was in my early stages of Awakening, and at that time, I was still enthusiastically following and attending Access Consciousness™ workshops. I can say that I was one of the best students because I was dedicated to learning and processing things – really doing anything to have more of these beautiful “spiritual” and energy experiences.
And of course, I asked my teacher about these two questions. I was sure that he would enlighten me with the answers.
But he didn’t.
I was a bit disappointed because I thought he might already know more about it. I thought he was a know-it-all. I later realized that he was just like me, a teacher and a student at the same time, in his process of coming to know and accept himself and discovering the answers to the same two questions that I had asked him.
( Dear Haris, I am happy and grateful that you participated on my stage from the bottom of my heart.)
He told me to explore and repeat what I had already heard in his workshops. I am not just a flesh and blood human but an infinite, powerful Being. And Being is not in the human body, but the human body is in the Being. I am energy, everything is energy, and I am here to teach others.
I knew that there had to be more, that it wasn’t just that. Not far from the truth, but something was not ok; something was missing. It was incomplete. I wanted to know more. Who I am and why I am here. And what the hell is this that is happening to me.
I won’t bother explaining that my mind was going crazy. My mind wanted to convince me to stop these crazy things and return to my everyday life. It was scared that I would end up in an insane asylum in a straitjacket.
The interesting thing is that even if I had decided at that point to obey my mind, to let it all go and start living again as before, it was already too late and completely impossible. I had seen, tasted, and experienced too many impossible things for the mind and the rest of the “normal people.”
That knowing of something more, buried in my teens, has now been reinforced and has finally surfaced.
And my search for these two answers continued.
I excluded the Access Consciousness™ workshops and my teacher from my life for about half a year because I didn’t get the answers there. I asked uncle Google for help in my search. I remember that I was surfing the Internet for days and going crazy over my extra slow desktop computer.
Hahaha, you get far slowly. That saying was 100% true back then. Finally, my dear Melanie’s website opened, and she told me I was an earth angel.
Wao, I liked the definition very much. It sounded so good and powerful. And, of course, I am on Earth to help and teach others. Again, that definition is not far from the truth either, yet that was not it. It was again just additional mental information.
Having almost always followed my intuition and knowing there are no coincidences, I stayed faithful to Melanie for a few months and attended meetings and meditations with the angels.
The path then led me back to Access Consciousness™. I also started to do Theta healing and regression. But I still hadn’t found the answers. In the meantime, I came across a few other definitions of who or what I was supposed to be and why I was supposed to be here, but it still wasn’t that.
I hoped the answers would come to me sooner or later because the “spiritual” experiences were only intensifying, and I was becoming increasingly confused at times. I was not afraid; I mainly enjoyed all these experiences, but there was no clarity about what was happening to me.
- Loud beeping and voices in my ears before I fell asleep, many faces – even horrible ones when I closed my eyes,
- strange dreams without tails and heads, visits from entities, demons, and even aliens three times,
- bizarre situations and events, inexplicable sensations and things happening to my body…
- Scenes of places and events familiar to me but had never visited in this lifetime, time stood still, time was and somehow wasn’t, and I could go on and on.
Later, when I found this two answers, all the things and experiences listed above came together to form a whole picture. There was complete clarity and beauty.
I was tired of it all, and one evening, lying in bed talking to myself, I decided to stop searching and that I would find the answers when the time came.
Believe it or not, I received an invitation to a workshop two days later. It was organized by a lady whose name I do not remember. It was a workshop to unlock angel DNA or something like that. I didn’t find it very interesting. That period when I was involved with angels was also over, so I didn’t respond to that invitation. But the next day I got the same invitation again.
Hmmm, there are no coincidences. It occurred to me that maybe this workshop is not as meaningless as I first thought. I read the workshop description in more detail, and oh my gosh, it made squeezed my heart. Not because I was getting some angelic or heavenly sign or insight, but because I saw the price of the workshop.
Financially, I was broke at that time, almost the whole Awakening process. But I had already noticed certain things about money. If a workshop was essential for my path and process, I always somehow got the money for it. Otherwise, no.
So I decided that this time, despite the high price for me and my empty wallet at the time, I would sign up for the workshop, and whatever happens, happens.
The money appeared, and I was sitting in a room with people I didn’t know, waiting for the workshop to start. The workshop was not very interesting to me; I had already heard and realized everything the teacher said. I was about to get angry with myself for misunderstanding my intuition and practically throwing the 50€ in the trash when I heard two words from the teacher that caught my attention.
She turned off the lights, asked us to close our eyes and to repeat to ourselves the two words she had said earlier. They are the two most beautiful words I have ever heard.
I closed my eyes and said to myself: “I am.”
It is impossible to describe what I felt at that moment, what I realized, what I remembered, and what was happening. Tears started running down my cheeks. There is no mental definition. For the first time, I felt Myself. What part of Self that was, I didn’t realize at the time.
When the workshop was over, I approached the teacher; it was obvious what I had experienced to her. I thanked her very much; she smiled at me, thanked me very much, and said, ” You had this experience because it was the right time, and you were ready.”
She hugged me and handed me a flyer offering her other workshops. I put it in my purse, even though I knew I had already got exactly what I needed.
And no, it is not what you might think. I haven’t found the answers to those two questions. It was just the beginning of a wonderful process of knowing and accepting Myself in a more profound, intimate way. And just two extremely short words. Priceless!!! They gave me a launching pad to continue my exploration.
Everything was different from that moment on; I no longer struggled with what exactly I was and why I was here. It was enough to feel Myself – what I felt. It was vital that I knew that this was Me. All mental and verbal definitions were no longer necessary.
After that workshop and my wonderful experience with – I Am, my path led me to dear Adamus and Crimson Circle™ ( but that’s another story ), where I finally found the answers to those two questions three years later. So simple, so wonderful.
Funny, they weren’t at all what I expected them to be. Perhaps even more humorous, those two answers were always here all the time, and I didn’t notice them. After five years of searching, I found them in Myself.